Act 1, Scene 1: Viva Las Vegas

RADIO INTRO

%MUS% Casino Royale - You Know My Name

%LIG% lights out

%SND% radio jingle

Jeff: "Hi everybody! It's 11 o'clock and you're listening to KQWY-99.1-FM! My name is Jeff Castbroad ..."

Eddie: "... and my name is Eddie Rodia!"

Jeff: "It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day, and to prove if I'm right or not, here comes the weather forecast for Clark County and the Las Vegas Strip Area. Eddie, my wife and I are planning to have a barbecue tonight, what do you say, hit or miss?"

Eddie: "Well, Jeff, in front of me lies the forecast for today, October 31st 2006, and from what I can see, you should call your wife and tell her to put out the lawn chairs. High pressure above the Mojave Desert brings us a constant flow of hot and dry desert wind, raising the temperature to about 110 degrees. And the long-range forecast says, there will be nothing to worry about at least until Sunday!"

Jeff: "Terrific! Thank you, Eddie!"

%SND% Garden Company Commercial: " This weather forecast was brought to you by the O. Deere Garden Company! It's time to buy with 0% financing. Check out the new Gator XUV 4×4 Zero Turn Lawn Mower! Call 555-OHDEER now, because the offer is only valid today! O. Deere customers are our dear customers!"

Jeff: "KQWY-99.1FM, the station that rocks the strip, brings you the hottest sounds for the hottest days, and here it comes! Viva Las Vegas!"

MAIN DIALOGUE

%MUS% SND-0101 - Viva Las Vegas

%ACT% open curtains

%LIG% main stage light on

%HND% Stage hands move things around in the background to give the illusion of the bus moving: cacti, clouds, road signs, birds ... and as long as the song goes on, occasionally something really really absurd, like a silhouette of superman, a star was x-wing fighter, a hamburger ...

%SND% SND-0101 (cont.) - Viva Las Vegas (Original Version, 1st verse only)
%SND% SND-0101 (cont.) - Bright light city gonna set my soul
%SND% SND-0101 (cont.) - Gonna set my soul on fire
%SND% SND-0101 (cont.) - Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn,
%SND% SND-0101 (cont.) - So get those stakes up higher

%SND% SND-0101 (cont.) - There's a thousand pretty women waitin' out there
%SND% SND-0101 (cont.) - And they're all livin' devil may care
%SND% SND-0101 (cont.) - And I'm just the devil with love to spare

%SND% Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas!
%SND% Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas!

%SND% SND-0101 (cont.) Music fades and continues instrumentally in background

%HND% Continue moving props in the background, but only the cacti and clouds, nothing that distracts

%AMB% AMB-0101 - Bus Motor Sound and passing Cars

Lori: "Yippie! Las Vegas! I can't wait to see it! I've been wanting to go there for all my life! Neon lights! Celebrities! Money!"

Mika: "Yes, Lori! Money! Gambling! Showbiz!"

Lionel: "Yes, Mika! Gambling! Showbiz! Porn stars!"

Mika, Lori (shocked): "What?!""

%ACT% Lionel pulls out a book with the writing "HISTORY" on it

Lionel: "Yes, Mika! As a matter of fact, Las Vegas has always been the capitol of adult entertainment, which is also the reason why it is often dubbed "Sin City". Did you know that Las Vegas actually means 'green meadow'? This goes back to 1850, where a group of mormon settlers -"

Mika, Lori: "Lionel!"

Mika: "This is a holiday trip, not a history lesson!"

Lionel: "But it never hurts to educate yourself about the cultural environment of the place you're going to, and there's really a lot of exciting history to be discovered and-"

Mika: "Lionel, the name of the City is Las Vegas! That's all you got to know."

Lori: "Oh, Las Vegas! This is going to be so much fun!"

Mika: "Yeah! So, what are we going to do tonight, honey-bunny? Dancing or gambling?"

Lionel: "He hee ... none of those. Lori booked this trip, and she found this travel agency on the internet ... "

Lori: "I don't know how they do it, but they only charge half the regular price! That saved us a big deal of money!"

Lionel: "Yes! And because of that, I thought I'd use the extra money to buy us ... these tickets!"

%ACT% Lionel pulls out the tickets and shows them

Mika: "Oh! A concert with Celine Dion! And it's tonight!"

Lionel: "Surprise!"

Mika (bounces happily): "Oh! Thank you, honey-bunny!"

%ACT% Mika hugs and kisses Lionel passionately

Lori: "Um ... Mika, Lionel ... Listen, I think I forgot to tell you that ..."

%SND% SND-0102 - microphone feedback, thumping

Beard: "Is this thing on? Okay, Ladies and Gentlemen! We are the Beards of ZZ Top and we'll be responsible for your entertainment on this trip."

Mika: "Hey! Why just the beards? Where is the rest of ZZ Top?"

Beard: "What do you expect, on a half-price trip?"

%ACT% Beards laugh

%SND% SND-0103 - supporting laughter

Beard: "But seriously, for nearly forty years we, the beards, were the trademark of ZZ Top! But you know what happened then? They were offered three million dollars by the Gilette company to shave us off during a television commercial. And they did it! Can you believe it? Shaving off your best friends for money! But we're the beards of ZZ Top! We stand our ground! We fired the manager and now we are going on tour on our own!"

%SND% SND-0104 - Beards: "ROCK 'N' ROLL!"

%ACT% Beards play guitars

%SND% SND-0104 (cont.) - guitar solo

Beard: "Uh ... Anyway ... Before we continue, I've been asked to read you this note from our sponsor, the O. Deere garden company."

%ACT% Beard pulls out a piece of paper

Beard: "Dear participants! Thank you for taking part in this sponsored trip. The mandatory sales show of O. Deere garden equipment will take place tonight in the main ball room of the Dimes and Pennies hotel. The show will be repeated at three different times for your convenience. Your attendance is required in order to receive the voucher for your return trip. Of course you are free not to take part, but in this case, the charge for your return trip will not be covered. We wish you a pleasant stay at fabulous Las Vegas!"

%ACT% Lionel and Mika look at each other

Mika, Lionel (shocked): "O. Deere?"

%ACT% Lionel and Mika look at Lori

Lori (frightened): "Oh dear ..."

Mika: "What's that supposed to mean?"

Lori: "I - I was just about to tell you ... It's a sponsored trip. But don't worry, the show is just one hour long. After that we can do whatever we want! We can go see the fountains in front of the Belaggio, the Volcano at the Mirage, the sirens of the Treasure Island, or ..."

Lionel: "Lori, don't try to distract! The concert is tonight, from seven to ten! What are we supposed to do now?"

Lori: "I - I don't know ... I'm so sorry! I thought ... I mean, I think ... maybe ..."

Mika: "Oh, shut up!"

%ACT% Mika walks up to the beards

Lionel: "Mika? What are you doing?"

Mika: "Give me that!"

%ACT% Mika takes the rules from the driver, walks back, reading

Mika: "Okay. Let's see. Conditions of participation."

%ACT% Mika skims the note, mumbling along

Mika: "Hmm ... blah blah blah blah blah ... blah blah ... Ah, here! Participation in the sales show entitles the participant to pick up one free voucher after the show."

%ACT% Mika looks Lionel in the eyes

Lionel: "Mika? I hope you're not thinking what I am thinking?"

Mika: "Oh yes, I am! The rules don't say that you can't take part in the show more than once!"

Lionel: "What? You want Lori to sit through this horrible thing three times in a row? Do you really think she can survive that?"

Mika: "Oh come on, if she managed to survive 1404 episodes of 'The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle', she'll be able to sit through anything without even flinching!"

Lori (stubborn): "Oh, stop making fun of me! Yes, I can sit through it! And I will! I'll stand my ground! Just like the Beards of ZZ Top! I'll show you! Rock 'n' Roll!"

%AMB% AMB-0101 - (STOP)

%MUS% SND-0105 - Viva Las Vegas, Lori's Verse

%MUS% SND-0105 (cont) - Lori: "I'm no longer just a little girl / don't you dare to judge me wrong!"
%MUS% SND-0105 (cont) - Lori: "Got a whole lot of cunning so better beware / and bring the challenge on!"
%MUS% SND-0105 (cont) - Lori: "There's a little something missing but you will see!"
%MUS% SND-0105 (cont) - Lori: "I'll find that special soul to set my heart free!"
%MUS% SND-0105 (cont) - Lori: "I know there's someone just waiting for me!"

%MUS% SND-0105 (cont) - Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas

%SND% SND-0105 (cont) - *MEEP-MEEP* Roadrunner

%ACT% Roadrunner runs from section B to section A

%ACT% Coyote follows roadrunner, wheezing

%MUS% SND-0105 (cont) - Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas

%SND% *MEEP-MEEP* Roadrunner

%ACT% Roadrunner runs from section A to B

%ACT% Coyote follows roadruner, wheezing

%MUS% SND-0105 (cont) - Vivaaaaaa, Vivaaaaa ...

%ACT% Coyote crashes into buses windshield

%SND% SND-0105 (cont) - SPLAT

%ACT% Coyote slides down windshield

%SND% SND-0105 (cont) - Squeeeeeeeeeek

%MUS% SND-0105 (cont) - music resumes (solo part of Viva Las Vegas)

%LIG% Lights out

%ACT% Close curtain