Act 1, Scene 3 - The Unsinkable Mary / Anybody Home?

- Stage: Boat, Outside of the Castle
- Setting: Split scene, left boat "Unsinkable Mary", a pier in the middle, right castle, right part is obscured by curtains
- Section: A, B
- Puppets: Captain, Lionel, Mika, Mika climbing, Lori, Poke, Rat
- Props: Ship, Sawfish, Icebergs, Periscope, Exploding stuff
- Music: Achim Reichel - Aloa He
- SFX: Doorbell, Gunshot, Thump


Boat rolls on the waves

AMB-03 - Sea Ambience, swaying boat sounds

Puppets slide along rolling boat

all slide back and forth in the boat

Captain stands still in the back, going up and down with the boat

Captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome on board of the 'Unsinkable Mary'! My name is Edward J. Smith and I am your Captain."

All go "whhooaaa" and "aaaah" while the ship sways

Lionel (while sliding): "Good afternoon, Captain Smith. My name is Lionel and these are my friends Mika, Lori and Poke."

Mika: "Hi!"

Poke: "Hi!"

Lori whimpers

Mika: "'Unsinkable Mary'! That's a remarkable name for a boat. Very reassuring!"

Captain: "Mary and I have been through many difficult waters and yet she never sank. But don't let the name deceive you, we're going to pass through treacherous waters."

Lionel: "The sea looks pretty rough ... are you sure the passage is safe?"

Captain: "Safe? Of course not! Crossing the sea is never safe! Harr Harr! Hold on to the railings!"

Mika: "He he ... he ... you're joking, right?"

Lionel: "Of course he is."

Captain: "Joking! Hah! Captain Smith is never joking!"

Mika: "Is that a rabbit's foot you're wearing around your neck?"

Captain: "Yes, it is."

Mika: "Ah, it's your lucky charm, right? To protects us from the perils of the sea!"

Captain: "Lucky charm? Hah! I don't believe in such nonsense."

Lionel: "But ... then why are you wearing it?"

Captain: "Because I read in a book that it also works for people who don't believe in it."

All groan

Captain: "Set course to North Cothlestone Island! All engines full steam ahead! We're going to ride the storm! Harr harr!"

Mika: "Lionel ... I hate to say it, but I think this guy is completely out of his mind!"

Lionel: "Don't worry, he's a professional. I'm sure he's just putting on a show to scare us landsmen, and it's not dangerous at all."

Captain: "Not dangerous? Harr, harr! We're headed for Cothlestone Island, the most perilous course across the northern sea. There's everything a sailor's heart could possibly desire! Sharks, rapid currents, shelves, pirates, monsters, toxic waste ... whatever you can think of: it's out there! Mu-hahaha! I love it!"

Lionel and Mika scream in panic

Poke: "I think I've got to hurl!"

SFX 0301 - Captain: "Yes! Isn't it wonderful? The only way to feel truly alive is to laugh in the face of death. Every second could be our last. Keep that in mind, my friends, and enjoy your trip. Harr harr"

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Mika: "Oh ... whatever. I just wish this trip was over!"

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Captain: "... and the journey has only just begun! Yes, it's true! On the high seas time can slow down to a crawl, but a real sailor knows how to make time pass. I will tell you about the adventures that Mary and I have gone through together!"

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Captain: "I've been sailing the seven seas / from singapore to the shores of greece / But there's a place that I call my home / That is ... North Cothlestone!"

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Captain: "Sometimes the sea looks quiet and calm / but sailor, don't let down your guard! / Dangers from the deep, / surface in your sleep, / And they'll rip your ship apart! / Oohhh, and they'll rip your ship apart!"


SFX 0301 (cont.) - thunder, wind, storm

SFX 0301 (cont.) - All: "Aloha heja he - aloha heja he - aloha heja he

SFX 0301 (cont.) - All: "Aloha heja he - aloha heja he - aloha heja he

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Captain: "On my first trip to Cothelstone, / I suddenly heard the strangest noise."

SFX 0301 (cont.) - sawfish approaches and disappears behind the boat

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Captain: "And when we realized / It was a giant sawfish, / It was already to late, / oooh, yes, it was much to late ..."

SFX 0302 (HOLD) - sawing

SFX 0301 (cont.) - All: "Aloha heja he - aloha heja he - aloha heja he

SFX 0302 (RELEASE) - screaking, wood breaking

a piece of the ship breaks off and disappears

Poke hops off the broken piece of the ship, just barely making it

SFX 0301 (cont.) - All: "Aloha heja he - aloha heja he - aloha heja he

icebergs float along the stage

SFX 0303 - bubbles, jaws theme

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Captain: "On my next trip to Cothlestone, / the waves were fifteen meters high"

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Captain: "It was so freezing cold / That they turned into icebergs / And they came crashing down on us! / Yes, crashing down on us!"

icebergs get thrown on top of the ship

SFX 0304 - icebergs crashing

all try to duck away from the icebergs

SFX 0301 (cont.) - All: "Aloha heja he - aloha heja he - aloha heja he"

SFX 0301 (cont.) - All: "Aloha heja he - aloha heja he - aloha heja he"

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Captain: "On my third trip to Cothlestone, / one day, my radar showed a blip!"

SFX 0305 - sonar

submarine periscope floats around

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Captain: "It was a submarine, / and its captain thought / that it still was the second world war! / Oooh, the second world war!"

fiery red

Lionel, Mika, Poke: "No! No! Help!"

SFX 0306 - bombs, machine gun fire, airplanes

paper chips, simulating explosions, boat shakes

All scream in panic

SFX 0301 (cont.) - All: "Aloha heja he - aloha heja he - aloha heja he"

mast breaks and crashes, boat gets damaged fatally

SFX 0301 (cont.) - All: "Aloha heja he - aloha heja he - aloha heja he"

SFX 0301 (cont.) - Music fades

normal light

Lionel (groans): "Is everybody alright? Are you all still there?"

Mika: "I'm here ..."

Poke: "I'm here! But I think Lori has passed out."

Captain: "So, how did you like my story? Do you want to hear another one?"

Mika, Lionel: "No! NO!"

Poke: "Captain! Land in sight!"

Mika: "Yay! We're almost there!"

Captain (turns around): "Indeed! This could be North Cothlestone Island. But it could just as well be Japan ... You never know until you get there. Everyone, hold on tight!"

SFX 0307 - screeeech! crash! bubbling!

boat comes to an abrubt halt!

open curtain completely

Lionel: "Captain! You have sprung a leak! The boat is sinking! Everybody, get off the ship! Hurry!"

Lionel, Mika, Poke and Lori hop off the boat, screaming in fear

Captain: "Sinking! I've been looking forward to this moment for all my life! I always wanted to know how it feels to sink the unsinkable. It's time to say farewell!"

Lionel: "Captain? Jump over, quick, or you're going to drown!"

Captain: "No! The captain must be the last one to abandon the ship!"

Lionel: "But you are the last one!"

remove the bolt from the boat

Captain: "Hah, you landlubber! Not until all rats have deserted the ship! And I'm sure, there are still a few on board! So I must go down with this ship! Send greetings to my wife and my children!"

Lionel: "But Captain! You-"

Captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, it's been an honor and a privilege traveling with you."

SFX 0308 - Auld Lang Syne + bubbling

Captain start singing

the boat sinks


Captain (gurgling in the end): "Should old acquaintance be forgot / And never brought to mind? / Should old acquaintance be forgot / And *bbrrrbllbllrllblrlblrb* "

SFX 0308 (cont.) Loud bubbling and gurgling

Lionel: "Captain!"


Lionel and Mika look down the pier

SFX 0309 - splurt

A rat jumps onto the pier laughing maniacally

Swap players for Lori now

Liones sighs

Poke (nauseated): "Oh my god .... "


AMB-04 - Castle Outside (distant sea, wind, some birds)

Poke starts swaying back and forth

Poke: "Urrrgh ... the ground is not swaying anymore ... "

Poke gags!

Poke: "I think ... I think I'm getting land sick!!!!"

Poke euns to the pier, BARFING noisily

SFX 0310 - splatter

Lori, Lionel, Mika: "Ewww!"

Mika (angry): "Okay, that's it! I've had enough. This is the worst holiday trip ever! Let's get it over with. Where is that fucking castle?"

Lionel: "Relax, Spottykitty. It's over. We're all alive and well, and there's no reason why we can't spend a wonderful weekend at the castle together. I'm really looking forward to it."

Mika (growls): "Bah ... leave me alone. There are only two things I'm looking forward to: Taking a shower and going to bed! And it's all your fault! You talked me into this! How could I've been so stupid?"

Lionel: "But Mika-"

Mika: "Shut up! I'm sick and tired of all this."

Lori: "Oh, look! Over there! It's Thrumpton Castle! We'll go to Thrumpton Castle! We'll go to Thrumpton Castle!"

Poke: "Wrong, Mylady. This is not Thrumpton Castle, but Blackwhite Castle."

Lori (understands): "Ah! Yes of course, my dear inspector."

Mika (frustrated): "Mylady? Inspector? Oh ... no! Not again!"

Lori: "Inspector Poke Fritham and Miss Loreena McMarple had finally arrived. Even after weeks of strainful investigation, Mr. Jasper Fetherston still remained dead."

Mika: "What are you waiting for! Ring the god-damn doorbell for heaven's sake!"

Lori: "When the sun began to set on this cold november afternoon Miss McMarple walked up the stairs to the front door, pushing the doorbell."

Lori walks up to the doorbell and rings it

SFX 0311 - simple doorbell

they wait ... and wait ...

Lori (shouting): "Hello? Hel-lo!"

Lori: "Miss McMarple looked in wonder at the door, because usually at least James, the Butler, would be at home to let them in. Something terrible must have happened. Why did nobody open the door?"

Mika (furious): "Aaaaaaaaaah!!!!! I don't believe it! What's wrong with you? Are you too dumb to use the frickin' doorbell? Out of my way! Aaaaaah!"

Mika violently rings the doorbell repeatedly

SFX 0312 - all kinds of doorbells, buzzer, bell, hammer and anvil, whatever

they wait silently (three second pause)

SFX 0313 - crickets

Lori: "And even after ringing the doorbell one hundret times in a row, still nothing happened. She turned to Inspector Fritham, a worried expression on her face. 'Inspector, what do you make of this?'"

Poke (as inspector): "I'd say ... nobody's there!"

Lori (exaggerated): "Excellent observation, Mr. Fritham!"

Mika (angry): "AAAAARGH! I'm surrounded by idiots! Poke! Lori! Give me a break! Give me a fucking break! I'm tired! I'm dirty! And I'm pissed off beyond belief! You want murder? Fine! If I hear the words 'Inspector' or 'Miss McMarple" one more time, I'll give you a first-hand experience of murder! Is that clear?"

Lori: "Uh ... crystal clear."

Poke (whispering): "We will be right back after this commercial break."

Mika (screams): "AAAAAH!"

Mika jumps at Poke

Lionel grabs Mika by the tail and drags her back

Lionel: "Mika! Stop it! Calm down! Mika! Mii-kaaa! Mika Saesukasa!"

Mika stops, turns around at Lionel

Mika: "What's your problem?"

Lionel: "What's your Problem? I suggest we do, what we always do in a situation like this: Split up and see, if there's another entrance or someone around who can help us."

Mika (pouts): "Oh, no! No no. I'm not going anywhere. If you find something, you can pick me up right here."

Lionel: "Okay, fair enough. Poke, Lori, come with me. Let's give Mika some time to calm down."

Lionel, Poke and Lori turn away from Mika

Lori: "What's up with her?"

Lionel: "I don't know. I've never seen her act up like this before."

Lori: "Very strange. Anyway, I'll go and see if I can find the back door."

Lionel: "Alright, then I'll check out the garden."

Poke (inspector): "And Inspector Poke Fritham will continue his investigations in the courtyard."

Lionel: "Poke ... don't push it, okay?"

Poke, Lionel and Lori leave

Mika sighs deeply, sitting down at the door

Mika: "Ahhhh! Finally I've got some time to rest! No Inspectors, no boyfriends ... just me, myself and I."

Mika stretches and sighs

SFX 0314 - extra birds, gusts of wind.

Mika: "Wonderful ... the air is cool and fresh, mmh ... maybe not all hope is lost for truth in advertizing ..."

Mika looks around

Mika: "Mh ... I must admit, this place actually looks quite neat. It's a large island. Maybe I'll be able to avoid Poke and Lori long enough to spend some quality time with my favorite lion. Ah, just Lionel and me, in a four-poster bed, undisturbed ... ahhh ... and this wonderful silence."

SFX 0315 - eight gunshots, HELP!, final blow - suspense music!

Mika runs back and forth in panic while the gunshots ring

Mika: "Oh my God! Gunshots! Someone needs our help!"

Mika pounds on the door, nothing happens

SFX 0316 - Pound
SFX 0316 - Pound
SFX 0316 - Pound

Mika: "Hello? Hello! I must do something! But what? HELP! Lionel! HELP! Lori! Lionel! Come here!"

Mika waits for an answer

Mika: "Oh shit! They can't hear me! Think Mika, quick! Every second counts. The door is shut ... but ..."

Mika looks around

Mika: "Yes! The window! Maybe I can get in through the window!"

Mika runs up to the window

Mika: "Hold on! I'm coming!"

Mika disappears

Mika starts climbing up the wall to the window

Mika grunts

Mika jumps in through the window

Mika (off): "Hello? Is anybody there? Hello? I-"

Lights out

Mika gasps in shock and screams

End of Act 1 - 10 Minute Break