Act 1, Scene 2 - Fan of the Year

- Stage: The Dorm
- Setting: A TV stands in section B, the door to Lionels room is in section A
- Section: A, B
- Puppets: Lionel, Mika, Lori, Poke
- Props: TV set
- Music: ""


Lori sits in front of the TV, watching "The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle"

SFX-0201 - Suspense Music on TV

Lori: "Au contraire, my Lord, au contraire. The murderer is still in this house!"

SFX-0202 - Inspector (TV): "Au contraire, my Lord, au contraire. The murderer is still in this house!"

Lori: "Truth be told, the murderer of Mr. Jasper Fetherston is-"

SFX-0203 - Inspector (TV): "Truth be told, the murderer of Mr. Jasper Fetherston is-"

Lori: "Right behind you!"

SFX-0204 - Thomas (TV): "Right behind you!"

Lori: "Thomas Thatchem!"

SFX-0205 - Inspector (TV): "Thomas Thatchem!"

Lori: "Yes, it's me! And now I'm going to put an end to it all!"

SFX-0206 - Thomas (TV): "Yes, it's me! And now I'm going to put an end to it all!"

Lori: "You thought you had committed the perfect crime, but Fritz Fritham will never let himself be circum ... vented!"

SFX-0207 - Inspector (TV): "You thought you had committed the perfect crime, but Fritz Fritham will never let himself be circum ... vented!"

SFX-0208 - door opens

Poke enters

Lori shuts up immediately, still watching the show

Poke: "Sorry, I'm late! Is the show already on? Did I miss anything?"

Lori: "Shh! Yes, you missed everything. Now quiet! The inspector is just about to reveal the murderer!"

Poke: "Oh, is that the episode where his Lordship pays the gardener to kill Mr. Fetherston?"

Lori (angry): "Arrgh! Poke! Now you spoiled it!"

Poke: "Spoiled? What's wrong with you? You know the whole shit inside out!"

Lori: "Poke, you don't understand this! It's called 'Suspension of disbelief'!"

Poke: "You're into suspension? Well, who would have believed!"

SFX-0208 - door opens

SFX-0201 - suspense music slowly fades

Lionel and Mika enter and walk across the room, ignoring the others

Lionel: "So, what did you say to the guy?"

Mika: "Well, I said, 'My name is Mika, but you can call me - tonight.'"

Lionel giggles

Mika giggles

Lionel: "You really said that?"

Mika: "Yes, I swear."

Lori (clears her throat): "Good e-ve-ning!"

Lionel stops and looks back

Mika stops and turns

Lionel: "Oh, hi!"

Mika: "Hi you two. What's on TV?"

Poke: "The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle."

Mika: "The Hounds of ..."

Lionel: "... Blackwhite Castle?"

Mika and Lionel go "BLEARGH!"

Lionel (sarcastic): "Well then ... enjoy the show."

Mika: "Come on, honey-bunny!"

Lionel: "I'm right here, spotty-kitty."

Lionel and Mika kiss

Lori: "Honey-bunny?"

Poke: "Spotty-kitty?"

Lori and Poke go "BLEARGH!"

Lionel and Mika turn away again, snuggling

Lionel: "Where were we?"

Mika: "Well, that guy was kinda sweet, so I actually thought, I should-"

Lori: "Hello? Is there anything wrong with us?"

Lionel and Mika groan and turn around again

Mika: "What is it?"

Lori: "Oh, I just thought, maybe we were still your friends. Sorry for the misunderstanding."

Lionel: "Huh? What did we do?"

Lori: "Nothing, that's the problem! What happened to the times we'd watch TV together? Nowadays all you two care about is each other, making me feel like the odd one out. And Poke, too. Are we no longer good enough for you?"

Lori turns to Poke

Lori (whispering): "Do I have a pimple on my nose?"

Poke: "No."

Lori (whispers): "Oh, good."

Lori turns back

Lionel: "Oh, please. Won't you ever grow up? Just because I've been spending a little more time with Mika lately doesn't mean we're no longer friends. I know that 'The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle' is your favorite show but ... I just don't like it. It's so ... illogical and predictable."

Mika: "It sucks. And now, will you please excuse us!"

Lori: "No, it's not predictable!"

Lionel: "But it's always the gardener!"

Lori: "No, it's not always the gardener!"

Poke: "Err ... It's not?"

Mika grabs Lionel's tail and drags him away

Lionel struggles

Lori: "No! In episode 93 it was his Lordship's personal barber, in episode 345 it was the stable-boy, in episode 831 it was the house-keeper and ... um ... in episode ... 1351 the postman was killed by ... the daughter's neice's step-sister's grand-son ..."

Lionel and Mika are gone

SFX-0209 - door slam

Lori: "... twice removed."

Lori turns around

Lori: "Hello?"

SFX-0210 - Announcer (TV): "Don't forget to tune in again next time when 'The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle' starts over from the beginning!"

Lori: "Oh no! Now we missed the end over this stupid argument."

Poke: "It was the gardener."

Lori (angry): "Yes, but only because the Lord paid him! Now shut up!"

SFX-0211 - Announcer (TV): "This was the final episode of 'The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle'. But stay tuned, it's not over yet! Right after this break we will continue with the drawing of our legendary 'Fan of the Year' award!"

SFX-0212 - Pepsodent Advertisement

Lori and Poke act out the advertisement, holding toothbrushes. When the advertisement is over, they suddenly realize how silly that was, and embarassedly drop the toothbrushes, looking around if anyone might have seen them.

Lori: "So let's see if I won anything this time."

Poke: "You? You're not going to win anything, because I'm going to win!"

Lori: "What makes you so sure?"

Poke: "Well ... I looked up the answer to the question on Wikipedia! I cannot fail!"

Lori: "No fair!"

Poke (laughs): "All is fair in love and war!"

Lori: "Shh!"

SFX-0213 - Announcer (TV): "Welcome back to F8ktv and the drawing of our legendary 'Fan of the Year' award! But before revealing the winner, let's have a look at this year's amazing first price!"

SFX-0213 (cont.) - Advertisment: "The winner will go on a trip to North Cothlestone Island, visiting the village of Nether Addlethorpe. Enjoy a first-class stay in the halls of Thrumpton Castle, the original location where the series 'The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle' has been produced. Breathe in the clear sea air and relax in the peace and quiet of a romantic secluded island just off the coast of Great Britain. Walk in the pawprints of your favorite stars and see the sights that made 'The Hounds of Blackwhite Castle' the experience of your lifetime! Personal butler service included. And don't forget to bring your friends, because the offer is valid for up to four persons."

SFX-0213 (cont.) - ta-da, applause

SFX-0213 (cont.) - Announcer (TV): "Alright, and now is time to determine, who the lucky winner will be! Last month we asked you to send us the answer to the following question: 'In how many episodes in a total of 1404 installments was the murder committed by the gardener?' The response was overwhelming. In just four weeks we received more than 200.000 individual responses. Unfortunately most of them obviously looked up the number on Wikipedia - however, the number on Wikipedia, 1358 is wrong! He he he ... Thanks for that one to our director! What a funny idea! Hilarious! He he he ..."

Poke groans, and pouts

Lori laughs

SFX-0214 - Announcer (TV): "Anyway, that left us with a rather manageable amount of submissions to draw the winner from. Three, to be precise! And here they are, three envelopes which I will now put into the pocket of my pants. My beautiful assistant Tatiana, the woman with the two biggest ... ear tufts, will now slip her paw inside my pants and draw the lucky winner. Come on, Tatiana!"

Poke drools and moves closer to the screen

Lori makes a horrified expression, moving away from the screen

SFX-0214 (cont.) - Tatiana (TV): "*MREOW*"

SFX-0214 (cont.) - Announcer (TV): "Oh yes, very good! Deeper ... deeper! MROW Ah ... Oh god, yeah, make sure it's really random, yes! There! Shuffle well! MEW Exactly there! And ... Yes, we have a winner! Thank you, Tatiana!"

SFX-0214 (cont.) - Tatiana (TV): "*MREOW*"

SFX-0214 (cont.) - Announcer (TV): "So, let's see ..."

SFX-0214 (cont.) - Paper rustling

SFX-0214 (cont.) - Announcer (TV): "The lucky winner is ... Loreena McFolkmanis, from Kansas, USA!"

SFX-0214 (cont.) - Music, Applause!)

Lori (shrieks): "Oh my god! I won! Poke! I won! I don't believe it!"

Lori kisses Poke

SFX-0215 - Kiss

Poke spits and coughs

Lori (shouts): "I'm fan of the year! I'm the winner!"

Lori rushes to the door and bangs on it

SFX-0216 - Bang
SFX-0216 - Bang
SFX-0216 - Bang

Lori: "Lionel! Mika! Lionel! Come out! Fast! Something happened! Mika!"

Lionel comes rushing out the door, wearing a red thong on his head.

SFX-0217 - door opens

Lionel (in panic): "Aaaah! Lori! Are you alright? What is it? Is the house on fire? Is anyone hurt? Did you call the police? The fire department! We must get out of here, quick! Mika!"

Lori: "Oh, Lionel! You won't believe it! I'm fan of the year!"

SFX-0214 STOP - Music, Applause!

SFX-0218 - Needle Scratch!

Lionel stops dead in his tracks

Lionel: "You are what?"

Lori: "We're going to Thrumpton Castle! Oh Lionel, isn't this wonderful?"

Mika appears, wearing a sock on her nose.

Lionel: "What? Who is 'we"? And what on earth is Thrumpton Castle? Are you nuts hollering like that? I thought something terrible might have happened!"

Mika sneaks up behind Lionel, grabs the thong from his head

Mika: "Give me that!"

Mika leaves

Lori: "Lionel, don't you understand? Thrumpton Castle is Blackwhite Castle! And I just won four tickets! We can stay there for a whole week! And we even get our own butler! Oh ... I'm so excited!"

Mika (shouts from next door): "Lionel! Move your fuzzy behind back in here! I'm waiting for you!"

Lionel (looking back and forth): "Lori, that's very neat and stuff, but it's a very inconvenient time ..."

Mika (shouts): "Lionel! What takes you so long?"

Lori: "What do you say, are you coming or not?"

Lionel (desperate): "Uh ... I ... I ..."

Mika (shouts): "What do you say, are you coming or not?"

Lionel (shots): "No! ... Yes! ... I mean ... Arrrgh! Yes! Yes, all right!"

Mika (shouts, sarcastically): "Yay!"

Lori (shouts, happily, and dances): "Yay! We'll have so much fun! We'll go to Thrumpton Castle, we'll go to Thrumpton Castle!"

Lionel groans, and turns back, walks towards the door

Mika (shouts): "What's all the noise about?"

Lionel (resigned): "Oh nothing important, honey. Lori just wanted to show me something on television."

Lionel leaves

SFX-0219 - door slams

Lori continues to dance

Lori: "We'll go to Thrumpton Castle ..."

Lights out

Lionel (off): "Mrrrr ... hey sweety ..."

Mika (off): "Hey, welcome back, handsome. So, what did Lori show you?"

Lionel: "Oh, nothing special. By the way, I just got an idea ... what do you think about England?"

Mika: "England? Not bad ... but right now, I'd rather have something ... french."

Lionel giggles

SFX-0220 - purrs

Mika purrs and giggles

MUS-02 - Miss Marple Theme