- Stage: Prison
- Setting: The prison cell in section A, connected with a bridge to section B (Prison)
- Section: A (Cell), B (Prison)
- Puppets: Lionel, Mika, Lori (Xan), Poke, The Producer (Fairlight), Guard 1 (Eisfuchs), >Guard 2 (Tigerseye)
Main light out
red moving heads swaying over the audience
0901 - Heather: "I don't understand ... Why don't they open the gates? I feel that they have the key, but don't they know how to open the gates? Has the key fallen into the wrong hands? Or has the knowledge of the ritual been lost? Am I doomed to stay here forever? I can feel the darkness growing stronger. I must do something, but my hands are bound. This place is like a golden cage. While it protects me from all that is dark, it barrs myself from fighting the darkness outside. Oh Gods! Please let them remember how to use the key, let them remember the ancient words to set me free!"
AMB-04 (Cave Ambience)
Mika, Lionel and Lori are in the cage
Mika is pacing up and down the cage
Lionel: "All right ... Now you've arrested us. What's going to happen next? Are you just goint to let us rot here?"
Guard 1: "Shut up! The mighty Producer is on his way. He wants to talk to you. You'll live at least as long as it takes for him to arrive. So, enjoy your lives while they last."
Guard 2: "Yep! Enjoy yourselves!"
Mika: "Who the heck is the Producer, and what makes him mighty?"
Guard 1: "Oh, you naive little thing! Don't you know what a producer is? Who do you think writes all those high-scoring Top Ten chart-breakers? The musicians themselves? Ha ha ha! Those are just puppets, barely intelligent enough to hold a microphone. The Producer is the one who draws the strings, making them dance. Without the Producer, there would be no music."
Guard 2: "Yep! No music at all!"
Lionel: "But that's complete bullshit! Every talented person can write music. I must know! My father was both a singer and a songwriter."
Guard 1: "You don't expect me to believe that, do you? I know that's completely impossible. No Producer, no music. Now silence! There he comes! Ladies and Gentlemen! The Producer!"
0902 - door & producer intro music
The Producer enters the scene from section B
Guards: "At your service, oh mighty Producer!"
Producer: "Lionel Christopher Scruffycat. So we meet at last! I must say, you have a striking similarity to your father."
Lionel: "You knew my father?"
Producer: "Yes, I did! I wasn't always a producer, you know. Many, many years ago your father and I used to be good friends. He was an aspiring musician, and I used to be a talent scout for the record company that was publishing him. At first, everything worked out fine. Your father was a pretty successful musician. Later, when I eventually got promoted, they gave me the chance to name a successor. And I thought your father might be a good choice. So, he got the offer and gladly accepted it."
Lionel: "But then, what happened then?"
Producer: "Well, it seems, your father had a few misconceptions about the duties of a talent scout. You know, many people think that record companies send out talent scouts, in order to search for talented people in the hope of discovering the stars of tomorrow. But when your father was clued in on the real mission he was supposed to fulfill ... mh, how should I say ... he suddenly began losing his enthusiasm."
Lionel: "Or, in other words, he threw his career. What was so horrible about his new job that he absolutely couldn't tolerate?"
Producer: "There is a secret that is well-kept from people outside the corporation. I'm not supposed to tell you either, but you're not going to live to tell anybody. The inspiration behind all music does not come out of thin air. There are actual physical sources of inspiration. From them inspiration used to flow freely, equally enlightening all the people across the lands. Now, seen from a business perspective, this is not exactly the ideal. How are you supposed to sell something which is a resource free for all, like the air you breathe? That's where our talent scouts come in. They used to be the ones searching and finding these sources of inspiration and bringing them under our control. Your father was horrified by the very idea ... He didn't like the concept of running short inspiration to artificially increase the value of our products."
Lionel: "I can relate to that."
Producer: "At one time we thought we had all sources of inspiration under our control. Talent scouts were no longer needed. However, your father believed that there was one more source of inspiration, that we had failed to discover. He was determined to find it and make sure, that we would never gain control over it. At first we didn't pay much attention to him. We thought he was just a ranting, disgruntled ex-employee. However, we were smart enough to keep his research activities under close supervision. He knew that, of course. He never let anything slip ... until now! In a way, I have to thank you. Without you I would never have been able to decode the riddles in your father's journal. Now we know that there is indeed one last source of inspiration, hidden within the walls of the long forgotten Temple of Dunnowhat. And in just a few hours it will me mine!"
Lionel: "You are such a piece of ... you're ... uh! I'm speechless. *sigh*"
Mika: "And what's going to happen with us now?"
Producer: "You know, I really hate to get my paws dirty. I think I'll just leave you here. And soon nothing will be left of you but a bunch of nameless rotting skeletons in the middle of the Brazilian rain forest. And nobody will ever find you. I must go now and prepare the ceremony. Have a nice death. He he heh."
The Producer turns around and leaves
STOP 0902 - producer intro music
0903 - door close
Mika: "Come back, you coward! You slimy, rotten scoundrel! Come and fight like a-"
Lionel: "Mika! Mika, stop ... You know this is not going to get you anywhere. And remember, there is still hope. Poke is still out there."
Mika: "You're honestly putting your faith in Poke? I don't know. I think, the only thing Poke would be capable of is making things considerably worse. Think of it: Following our tracks and showing up here would be about the most stupid thing, he possibly could do, because-"
0904 - Door smash & fanfare
Poke enters from section B
Poke: "Ta-da! Poke to the rescue! Time to surrender! You have no chance! I got the green belt in Take-One-Leap! Hu ha hu."
Poke makes some moves
Guard 1: "Boot to the head!"
Guard 1 hits Poke over the head
0905 - kick
Poke falls down on stage
Guard 2 holds Poke down
Guard 1: "What the hell is this?"
Guard 1 looks at the prison
Guard 1: "Do you know this guy? This must have been the most stupid rescue attempt I have ever witnessed."
Mika: "Oh, Poke, you idiot! You ruined everything! You've been our last hope!"
Guard 1: "All right, you wanted to meet your friends? No problem. There's enough space in the cage for all of you."
Guard 2: "Yep! Lots of space."
Poke: "Hey! Hey, let me go! I'm not an idiot!"
Mika: "Yes, you are!"
Poke: "No, I'm not! At least not compared to these two bone heads!"
The guards laugh at Poke
Guard 1: "Hey buddy, you obviously don't know what you're saying. We're captains of the mighty Producer's personal guard, we're members of the international elite!"
Guard 2: "Yep, elite!"
Poke: "Ha! I believe it when I see it! I'm much smarter than you are, and I can prove it. Come on! Challenge me! Give me a puzzle ... or something."
Mika: "Hey, do you know the riddle with the shepherd, the sheep, the cabbage and the wolf?"
Guard 1: "Never heard of it."
Guard 2: "Nope, never."
Mika: "Very good, uh, I mean ... May I explain it to you?"
Guard 1: "Fire away."
Mika: "Well, there is a man with a boat, who must move a wolf, a sheep and a box of cabbage to the other side of the river. But there's a catch: The boat is very small, so the poor guy can always only take one thing with him. And now his problem is, that, when he leaves the wolf and the sheep alone, the wolf will eat the sheep. When he leaves the sheep and the cabbage alone, the sheep will eat the cabbage. So, what does he have to do in order to get all three things safely to the other side?"
Guard 1: "Oh, that's easy! That's easy! Okay, ferret guy! You're toast!"
Guard 2: "Yep! Toast!"
Mika: "Alright! Then let the contest begin! Poke, the ferret starts."
Guard 1: "All right. He's not going to solve it anyway."
Poke: "Okay dokey ... let's see ... mmmh ... mmmh ... just a second ... All right ... let's see. First he moves the cabbage to the other side and then ... no wait, then the sheep will be fucked ... uh, darn! So then he has to move the wolf first ... but then ..."
Guard 1: "Uuh, come on, you're so stupid! If you move the wolf first, he will leave the sheep and the cabbage behind, and the sheep will eat the cabbage! Don't you get it?"
Poke: "No, no no! Wait! Wait! Uh ... I just need a little visualisatzion. So ... um ... let's pretend ... that you are the sheep ..."
Poke points at Guard 1
Poke: "... and you are the wolf ..."
Poke points at Guard 2
Guard 2: "Yup, the Wolf!"
Poke: "... and I am the cabbage! Okay ... Uh ... Now what ... ?"
Guard 1 (annoyed): "Okay, let's pretend, this bridge is the river."
Guard 1 lowers the bridge
0906 - bridge crank
Guard 1 (annoyed): "Of course, the first thing you have to do is taking the sheep over to the other side. Watch me, I'm the sheep!"
Guard 1 goes over to the prison
Guard 1: "Then the shepherd gets the Wolf over the river. That's you!"
Guard 2: "Yep, that's me!"
Guard 2 goes over to the prison
Guard 1: "And now ... uh ... the shepherd sends the sheep back over the river, because the wolf is here."
Guard 1 goes back to the cave
Poke: "Wait, wait. This didn't get us anywhwere, did it? And besides, it's my turn! You messed it up, and now I have to start all over again. Now ... Let's pretend, you ..."
Poke points at Guard 1
Poke: "... are the cabbage, and I am the shepherd. Now I, the shepherd, take you, the cabbage, over the river."
Poke and Guard 1 go to the prison
Poke: "And now, I'll go back, to pick up the sheep ..."
Guard 2: "There is no sheep. You forgot to say, who's the sheep."
Poke: "What? Argh ... Shit ... Okay, give me one final chance, all right? All right."
Guard 1: "Okay, but this will be really the last chance, buddy."
Poke: "Again. I'll make sure not to forget anybody this time. I am the shepherd, Mika is the cabbage, Lionel is the wolf and Lori is the sheep... Of course."
Guard 1: "Wait! Wait! Now I got it! I got it!"
Poke: "Hey, it's still my turn ..."
Mika: "Aww, Poke, come on, don't be a spoilsport. If he wants to solve it, why don't you let him?"
Poke: "Well ... If I have to ... Go ahead."
Guard 1: "Okay ... Step 1: The shepherd takes the sheep over the river."
Poke: "Alright, I'm the shepherd. I'll do everything you say."
Poke takes Lori over the bridge
Poke: "Okay, what's next?"
Guard 1: "Step 2: The shepherd goes back and takes the cabbage over the river."
Poke: "Okay, your wish is my command."
Poke goes back and takes Mika over the bridge
Guard 1: "Now here comes the trick! Step 3: He takes the sheep back with him, so it won't eat the cabbage."
Poke: "Smart move!"
Poke brings Lori back to the prison
Poke: "You're good! Keep going!"
Guard 1: "Step 4: Now the shepherd takes the wolf and brings it over the river, leaving the sheep behind."
Mika: "Excellent! I think you're on the right track!"
Poke brings Lionel to the cave
Guard 1: "And finally, step 5: He goes back, and brings the sheep over the river!"
Poke goes back to the prison and takes Lori over the bridge
Lionel immediately raises the bridge
0906 - bridge crank
Guard 1: "And that's it! I solved it! Yay!"
Guard 2: "Yay!"
The guards celebrate
Mika and Lionel cheer the Guards up
Poke: "Wow! Awsome! Guys, you're really great! That is so cool! You really beat me! Good job! Keep going, yes! Woo hoo! Hey, I'd really love to hang out some more with you, but it's getting late and we really have to go now. I hope we'll see each other again! Bye!"
Mika, Poke and Lionel keep cheering while leaving the stage to section B
The Guards celebrate a bit more
Guard 1: "Yeah, was fun! Thanks for stopping by! See you, guys! Woo-hoo! We are the smartest Guards in the whole wide world!"
Guard 2: "Yep! We are! We truly are!"
Guard 1: "Man, that was exhausting. It's time for a nice, hot cup of coffee."
Guard 2: "Make that two!"
Guard 1: "Sure, I'll bring you one. o/~ Tum-te-dum-dee-dum-dee-dum-dee o/~."
Guard 1 ambles over to the bridge, stopping hard at the gap, looking very slowly down, then slowly at the audience
Guard 1: "Oops ..."